Wednesday, February 4, 2009

DEATH

There are many things uncertain about our future...
But we still talk about that everyday..

Will I be a doctor?
Will I get married?
Will I live a happy life?

But there is one thing certain about our life
But we seldom or never talk about it..

DEATH...

Why am I talking about death now? Well, probably because of a dream.. a nightmare, a very real one....

It was a nightmare where somehow, in the dream... I know that my mom will die in an accident like 1 or 2 hour from that moment... so in that dream, I'm living the final moment with my mom... which is very real... I can remember the feeling well even after I woke up...

DEATH...

Ever since my dad died on 2003 when I was in form 2 (14 years old), which is a very shocking news cause he died suddenly after a very happy day in my life (it was the same day that I won my first karate championship), I know that death can come anytime to anyone around me... I've always told myself about to be prepared, that one day, my loved ones will die...

But within that nightmare that was so real... in a situation faced with the death of my mom... No matter how many times I told myself to be prepared... No many how I told myself to look at a positive side of death... All the preparations or protections I built since my dad died just fall...

Everytime I see my mom now, I know that her time is coming sooner and sooner... and no one can do anything about that... It just a sign of how weak human is... as the prophet Muhammad SAW said... there is cure for anything in this world except old and death...

I thought that I have gotten pass the trauma of my father's death, but there was this one day when I was in a camp... suddenly my mom's handphone called mine... she usually does not call me during this time... it suddenly reminds me at 2003, when I saw the hp I left at home when I went to the Karate competition, my dad called me hours before he fell... but usually he never will call me during the morning when I have activities... So, the call from my mom during the camp suddenly gives me the feeling that something bad happened to her.... I'm really scared that time that I cannot concentrate the whole camp after that... I realized that somehow...

I just can't prepare myself to face death... even though everyday I told myself it will happen....

I want to be a doctor to save life...
But I know I cannot stop death when it comes...

Soon, I'll be leaving Malaysia, leaving my family for quite a long time... and when I asked b, am I ready to face it, if anything happen to my loved ones here... I told myself YES, but deep down I know... I can never be prepared for it....

But... I'm still going... Why?





And while I'm thinking about other's death... what about mine??



My dream no.6:
"So that everyone I know, my family, friends, teachers... everyone... live happily in this world and found happiness in the afterlife..."

My dream no.7:
"If I die before realizing my dreams... Hopefully those good and beneficial dreams of mine will be inherited by someone and they will realize it in my place... in other words... Inherited Will..."

*What is inherited will? Watch One Piece... Drum Island's arc.. :)

POSSIBILITIES: Unknown!! Death is for sure... but what happen after death... is really unknown...




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UPDATES ON FLYTING PROCESS:

  • A lot of financial problem going on now... hopefully MARA can give enough money soon for me to settle everything... I hate it when money makes the world go round...
  • Completed MARA's form (hopefully).. will be sending it tomorroe
  • Taken the hep B vaccination, 2 more vaccinations to go...
  • Visited Kuantan for the last time b4 fly... to much sadness... still waiting for Riduan's pic to post my experience in Kuantan...

TIME LEFT:
17 DAYS LEFT TO FLIGHT

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